Exploration
I knew I wanted to capture the feeling of struggling with your mental health. This has been a terribly hard year for me. On top of being an extrovert with seasonal depression amidst a global pandemic, it’s also been the first year that nothing significantly traumatic has been going on for the first time in 8 years of my life, which you think would mean I was doing better but I have actually noticed adverse effects. My sister has been chronically ill for many years, my brother is an addict, we lost our father and so much more has happened in between, that I’ve been so focused on the chaos of my world for so long and making sure everyone was ok. Finally, my brother is a year clean, my sister has recently gained her quality of life back, I have come out of the angry grief stage, and nothing majorly challenging is going on. It has left me realizing all the damage it has caused over the last 8 years, and what a toll it took on me to be in fight or flight mode for so long without ever having gone to therapy or being a primary focus of my family solely because I was the only one not nearing death. I am now ready to get the help I have needed but pushed off for many years and so I wanted whatever I created to feel lonely, isolating, and sad, but still elegant and beautiful.
